Everyday Conversations
by Interstella
Summary: Okay, so I was bored and I gave myself a challange. Every word spoken in this fic were spoken my my friends and I. It's pretty funny, but that's my oppinion . House Wilson if you squint. -COMPLETE


Every Day Conversations

A/N: Okay, I had a challenge I gave myself. I was given Stimuli. The conversations were word for word every day conversations that my friends and I had. (Yeah, we're like that). In this story, I've included four of them. Each part of the story gives each conversation meaning, and they can be read individually. I hope you enjoy them.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I have a deeper problem. I don't own House or Wilson, if I did, they would never have time to do anything other than be together...

Enjoy

PART 1 - Wenis

"I heard something tragic yesterday" Wilson said as he dropped his keys onto the table. He'd been living with House for the last five days, much to House's distain. The other was already drinking a beer and sat before the television.

"Are you dead? Please be dead" The older man said, briefly looking up to Wilson as if to assess if the other really was dead. When that turned out to be wrong, he looked back to the television, pretending neither to notice the other nor to listen to him, while that was exactly what he was _not_ doing.

"No, I'm not dead,"

"Oh damn." His words sounded sincere to anyone who didn't know him well. People would've thought that he had no feelings for the other if they heard this interaction, but for the two doctors, this was what amounted to fun in each others company.

"No seriously, the yellow wiggle has left!" House wasn't listening to him at all, so Wilson tried saying something completely random. This was how he often got the diagnostician's attention. "Hey it's red! Is it supposed to be like that?"

"I don't know! It's yours!" When House was paying attention, like now, he would say something else completely random, just to confuse Wilson.

"My what?"

"I don't know! It's yours!" House finally looked away from the TV to lock eyes with the oncologist who was starting to get frustrated.

"My what!?" he asked, sitting down on the couch beside House, looking at him with big, brown, confused eyes.

"I don't know, your wenis?"

Wilson frowned, remembering his autonomy lessons. He couldn't recall a 'wenis' anywhere. "My WHAT now?"

"Your wenis, you know, the thing that's below your shoulder but above your knees…"

"Oh god..." Wilson always thought that House was getting dirty, and thought he was usually right, he wasn't always.

"Your elbow you sicko!" House smirked as Wilson blushed a little. It was always fun to do this.

PART 2 – Swords

"I dropped my sword!" House said loud enough for the whole clinic to hear. Wilson rolled his eyes and sighed. House wanted attention... again.

"No you didn't, you're still holding it." He told him in a bored voice, long since used to House's actions. He walked over to him, not even bothering to look up from the patients file he had been reading.

"It's over there on the ground." House insisted, using his cane to hit the papers away from the oncologist while under the guise of pointing. He smiled smugly at Wilson as he finally pulled his attention from the file.

"But it's still in your hand." Wilson said with a frown, not noticing Cuddy exiting her office to see what all the noise was about. She got the wrong impression, but continued to listen with a frown on her face.

House, on the other hand, had seen her and wanted an opportunity to once again scare away the boredom. "But I dropped it!" he insisted.

Cuddy shook her head before walking up to Wilson. "He dropped his hand?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, obviously thinking that House had finally tripped out on his vicodin addiction.

Wilson just rolled his eyes and picked up the file. Sending a look to Cuddy that obviously said 'don't ask' he walked away, trying to re-organise the file in his hands. He could get House's opinion later, for now, House was too bored to be any use.

PART 3 – Shemale?

House was staring at a person in Cuddy's office. The person was large and short, but with long, greasy hair. The chest of this said person had to have been at least a 'c' cup size, but House wasn't quite sure.

"Is that a man?" he asked as Wilson stood beside him and tried to see what he was looking at. Wilson squinted a few times before pulling back, a frown firmly on his face.

"Or a woman?" Wilson asked, curiosity in his voice.

"Or a cross dresser?" House said, even though the person in Cuddy's office was wearing unisex clothing. Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Or both?" he suggested, thinking that the person could be a hermaphrodite, it certainly had qualities of both the male and female genders.

"Or half and half?" Wilson looked at House and frowned. A few seconds later, after eye contact had been made with each other, they said the same thing.

"...Ew."

A nurse bumped into the person as s/he was leaving Cuddy's office. Something was said to upset the person when the nurse tried to apologise. The nurse couldn't be heard, but the response she got could.

"I'm a male!" the person yelled.

"He is a man!" Wilson said with a reproachful look.

"That's... gross!!" Wilson had to agree with House for a moment. The male was pretty ugly, but Wilson just gave a stern look at House, scolding him for being so insensitive. It wasn't the man's fault he looked so ugly... okay, so maybe he could stand to loose a few pounds, or maybe a hundred, but still.

Wilson shook his head and walked away, waving politely at Cuddy as he went past.

PART 4 – Zebras

A/N: This one was pretty hard to justify...

"You killed my brother!" This was what Wilson woke to. House's yelling as he threw a magazine in his face. Blinking, the oncologist pealed the paper from his face and looked at the picture on the cover. A striped animal stared back at him.

"Your brother was a zebra?" he asked tiredly.

Wilson sighed and noticed that they were wearing the same clothes, or rather, House had 'borrowed' his shirt. "ZOMG are we twins?" he asked sarcastically, only to receive and equally sarcastic reply.

"No, you're not a zebra."

It was the next day, and House was again wearing Wilson's clothes. A small smile played on Wilson's lips as he walked beside House. "We're twins again!" he exclaimed, expecting to be called an animal.

"No, I'm a zebra…" House pointed to his cane which was black and white striped on the shaft. The handle was a multicoloured rainbow. No, House wasn't gay. Notice the sarcasm?

"I've got a flower in my head!" Wilson said the first thing that came to mind. This caused both of them to laugh and for House to whack him across the head with his rainbow zebra cane.


End file.
